For a long time - for a long time did not look on your page, and recently has found time to glance and even was surprised, - how many new materials have appeared. And our Scandinavia very much even adequately is submitted, - means, and here, to the North, our girls go. However, it is felt and in the country - in our society russian speaking members becomes more and more. But... Frequently their new life not bestrewed at all roses though Svetlana writes, that in Denmark there is all for happiness, only, a pier, it is necessary to know, that want.
But it seems to me, all not so is simple, and you see read you not only those who already has moved, but also those who else during acceptance of this decision, therefore and wanted to me to write this small material - the information or caution, understand, how want.
To leave in marriage abroad - a step very crucial, connected with fragile stereotypes and demanding big will power and persistence on achievement of the purpose. Adaptation in the new country seldom passes without problems, and integration in ancient culture of the small people recently rather negatively adjusted to newcomers and under integration understanding full cultural assimilation, demands many emotional efforts. Here probably two ways - or refusal of former, that is attempt completely to be dissolved in new culture begin you similar to associates people that they have accepted you for the; or struggle for own originality, efforts in upholding own originality and the right is itself. The third way not it is given.
Each of us consists from several "I" - "I" personal, "I" family, "I" professional... For someone completely it is important to be dissolved in family and the husband, someone completely is shipped in itself, and someone does not think the lives without professional self-expression. In Denmark opportunities of realization of each of these opportunities it is various. "I" personal depends only on itself, from own satisfaction itself, but frequently roots the has in family "I" or professional "I". And here at our again arrived or for a long time living Russian-Danish women there are big distinctions. Here and whether is solved, is the Denmark country where there is all for happiness, or all the same it is necessary for someone for happiness little bit more...
So, family and career...
If to take family distribution of roles in typical Danish family really is more democratic, than in typical Russian. Here I once again emphasize a word "typical" because in each family the rules of life and from the country of residing it does not depend. And nevertheless there is a stereotype - about it and there will be a speech. In Denmark adhere to typically female and typically man's duties much less, they somehow are distributed between partners in regular more intervals. It means, as change of diapers, both preparation of food, and rearrangement of heavy furniture, and fine repair work in the house are in regular more intervals distributed between the husband and the wife. Daddy with pleasure walks with the kid in park, and then makes dinner, and mum with not smaller pleasure collects bought in Ikea furniture, according to the enclosed instruction - a typical picture of a day off. In the following bit parts vary, it is a principle of equality. But... Again I shall be repeated for those who dreams of the Danish prince: It is a typical picture of average Danish family. So, probably, the Dane with whom you have casually got acquainted in Izmaylovsky park or in the joint Russian - Danish project will react and on this basis relations have started to develop. Princes from the Internet - put little bit another. Reflect why the person meaningly searches for the girlfriend from another frequently unfamiliar to him of the language and cultural environment, through virtual service of acquaintances? Probably, because in the circle by virtue of the mental, physical or social reasons for him it was not possible. It is greedy irrepressibly, unemployed it is gloomy, it is mentally astable or it is simple uncertain in himself and searches weaker partner? There are also exceptions, but they, unfortunately, confirm a rule. Acquaintance through the Internet seldom are successful, and frequently for the sake of notorious foreign well-being some our Russian brides are ready to step on a throat to an own song and to bear physical and mental humiliations, miserliness of the spouse, his sexual inconsistency or non-standard propensities all those years which legislatively are allocated here for reception of constant residence permit.
So - if you are lonely, if you want the true satellite to yourselves and the father to your kid, can, whether simply it is necessary to look round around and to look for the prince, Russian or foreign, which will be sent to you with destiny. Instead of the one who in illusion from advertising Internet sites: "Russian women - with pleasure the humoring spouses proud from the fact of marriage, cleaning-cooking-washing non-stop and not having opportunities to stand for itself" writes letters and invites you as the combined cleaner / sweetener /cooker / of the deprived of civil rights performer of his will. And that - I shall divorce, and you will go home in 24 hours!
In Denmark it is not enough such men, but they frequently are clients Russian (or tai, or Latin American... an internet-bureau of acquaintances because any Dane woman will not suffer such manipulation...
Anyway, the top irresponsible relation to russian brides that can be, when after several months of correspondence and an exchange of photos the bride comes here, is frequent with the child forever to lodge. And in alive the groom meets only at the airport, frequently being surprised, that looks oldish (the photo were sent to ten years' prescription), by the machine 75 years of release. Further it appears, that the applicant presented by the individual businessman for a long time and strongly sits on the social help, has a pair of kiddies from the previous girlfriends in whom tries to not pay the alimony, lives in two-room apartment, is malicious on environmental society at the bottom of which is... Common language - English which both the groom, and the bride own hardly. And nevertheless some ladies are ready to marry and such groom. Hardly they can expect the big family happiness and mutual understanding, there is a tiresome calculation of days before reception of constant residence permit (before 3 years, and now and all 7), and humiliating requests once a year to sign a paper, allowing stay in the country. Family happiness?
Such variant of development of events, certainly, is not the unique script, there are happy marriages and among those who has met each other on Internet. Some people also are truly too timid, closed, romantic for the modern pragmatic world, and sincerely glad to the Russian girlfriend.. But it is those exceptions which confirm a rule.
Now, career. Here put is difficultly enough. I shall allow itself to argue with Svetlana what to find work as desirable in Denmark easily. Really, if the soul demands work on cleaning, on the conveyor or a leaving of patients and old men - that this level of ambitions in Denmark easily we is feasible. Danes are not torn by it to be engaged, therefore foreigners easily can get this work. But you see the majority of our girls arriving here, has higher education. And the certain hopes for his use which thaw in due course together with confidence of the professional or personal qualities. With our diploma of the doctor it IS IMPOSSIBLE to be arranged nurse, and our teacher will not take in a kindergarten! Simply because for work nurse it is necessary to have the diploma authorized by the Danish system nurse (and it something average between our doctor and nurse on a level of responsibility, and education nurse in Denmark lasts 4 years as, for example, teacher of high school). And for work as the tutor in a kindergarten and on additional lessons it is necessary to have special, Danish pedagogical education, and if without it - just a nurse with the appropriate level of payment! To tell the truth, this level in absolute sizes is higher, than the salary of the principal in Russia, but you see you live in Denmark where for an apartment, municipal services, public transport, a hairdress in a hairdressing saloon or it is simple loaf of bread or a package of milk it is necessary to pay absolutely other prices. Basically, at all in it put. It is important to understand what to promote, so self-affirm to you here it is a million times more difficult, than on the native land.
I disagree, that any work here is equally honourable. To work as the cleaner honorary, than to not work. But to work as the economist where honorary, than to work as the cleaner. It gives also other level of claims, and other circle of acquaintances. Can, cleaners here and do not feel like restrained, on that it and the Scandinavian socialism to balance people even in their feeling of professional pride. Each professional category has the trade union which struggles for their rights, including a wage level. But it seems to me, not the salary uniform the person is alive. If you the engineer you see it would be desirable and to be surrounded equal to have an opportunity to speak not only about the prices in the nearest supermarket and to be accepted as equal on intelligence and world outlook. It lady with the higher education, acting as working women on the conveyor or dishwashers, are deprived.
I do not believe, that the intellectual Russian woman wants to be allocated with the bright make-up or clothes. The same as also the intellectual Danish woman is not allocated with the machine or the house. It is minor. It is important to be lucky enough and balance of life, it is important, that life was filled with the maintenance: that it would be desirable to go for work in the morning, and in the evening the soul aspired home. There was a family where you love and understand, and work where you appreciate and advance. In Russia or in Denmark.
And last nuance. More recently Denmark has accepted new integration rules. Discrimination, will tell one, but I think their protective. Term of reception of constant residence permit is prolonged till 7(!) years and to marry, the person has no right to sit on social security, should give a pledge in 50 000 crones (more than 6 thousand dollars) and to have big enough apartment, that the bride (and her probable child) had vital space. Socialists count these rules restrictive, say, now poor men can not marry on foreigners. But for you, lovely girls, believe me, it is better, that poor men, and, more often, not holding people did not invite you here false promises, in practice financially are not capable to support you in such difficult period of the introduction into new life.
Russian brides - beautiful, clever, gentle. Deserving human happiness. Not a their place in local crisis centers and social apartments for poor. The to inviting on life requirements are higher the West, the above and your degree of security.
I have understood and have accepted Denmark. At me here the qualified work, strong family and the present friends. Though critically I can look around of myself. My Danish husband with whom we worked side by side - before marriage in a number of the international projects, has helped me to understand the country. I have entered an equal and worthy marriage with the person whom I knew before marriage and have grown fond not because he has given me the ticket in well-being that is why, that we were left as the person. If your half lives in Denmark or America it is necessary to risk and go. But if simply to put to itself a problem - I want abroad, because there the honey rivers and honey coast it is illusion. For which, some, it is necessary dearly, even it is expensive to pay.
I wish all happiness, and Olga Taevskoj - thank for the interesting project.
Yours faithfully, Natalia